Have you ever felt like you're not good enough? Like everything you do isn't worth sharing with others, because you feel like it doesn't contribute to the world. Have you ever gave up your dreams, because you didn't want to fail, so instead you just gave up? Are you afraid to wish for something, because you're afraid it won't happen? Were you ever told you won't succeed at something, and you believed that? I've felt like this my whole life.
But this isn't a story about my misery, it's a story about a battle left unfinished, words left unsaid and people left hurting. It's a story about a girl named Autumn. She was like that. All different colours and beautiful with her auburn curly hair and pale complexion. When she was around everyone laughed. And her laughter sounded like an autumn rain. She was perfect, everyone loved her, and it seemed like she loved everyone as well. But it turned out this wasn't true. I'll tell you later about that. Right now, this is not important. Autumn was everyone's best friend, helping hand, she did everything for other people. Sometimes even too much. The beauty of it was, that she didn't care. She liked to help and she always knew when there was someone who really needed her help and if they just wanted her help for the wrong reasons.
And Autumn always knew all the right words. Something I always had problem with. She knew what was the right thing at the right moment to say to anyone she meet; Autumn knew how to make people feel better about themselves, about what they did or about what was done to them.
The story I want to tell you started in May 2010. I remember that it was a huge storm on the day when it all started. I remember the tension in the air the moments before the sky opened and took it all away. The storm is just a distant memory now, because after it the sun came back to the cloudless sky. It was beautiful. Thinking back, I believe that what happened that day changed my life forever. Not just my life, it actually changed the life of many other people as well.
It's funny how I can get along with people that are either older or younger than me, but somehow I can't connect with my peers. This is the main reason why I even met Autumn.
I've been living in the big city my whole life. I'm not complaining, I loved every minute of it. After I finished High School I went to college. I was doing what I thought I wanted. I was at college, the place where I wanted to be for the last five years. And as it turned out college wasn't for me. I hated every minute of the first semester, I was daydreaming during classes, I wanted to escape from the thing I used to want the most.
I felt so guilty, and when I talked to my parents about it, they were like: "But honey, isn't this what you always wanted? The thing you were asking to finally happen for the last five years?"
At this point I had no idea what to do. I felt trapped and unsafe. Like everything I do isn't good enough. Suddenly the big city wasn't big enough for me. I felt like it was suffocating me with all the skyscrapers and bad air and people always in a rush to get somewhere. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe and one May day I just packed all my stuff, sat in a car and drove for miles. I didn't stop until I came to the other part of the country. I knew people would be looking for me, but I didn't care. I didn't say goodbye to anyone, or wrote a goodbye letter. I just left.
It was the day I met Autumn for the first time.It was the day the story really starts.
So this is my promised story. Or at least the first part of it. I hope you liked it. It took me a while to get the story on a paper the way I wanted it to sound, the way I imagined it in my head. I am kind of proud of it, since I never did anything even remotely similar. I did wrote a few short stories for school, when I was younger, but they weren't in English, and if everything goes according to plan this will become a novel. Please leave a comment or write me a message on facebook or something, so I know if you liked it or not. I will be happy of any constructive (that means that I hope that besides:this is awesome/sucks, you also write: ...because --> for example: I already read a book with the same story, your narration is horrible, and so on and so on) reply I get, weather it's positive or negative.